an open letter to the “wait until-ers”

Dear opinionated stranger/friend/relative,

If I could overcome my fear of confrontation I would probably tell you I’m not interested in your “expert knowledge” the moment you decide to share it with me, but until then I hope this letter finds you well.

If you’re wondering if this letter is directed to you, I’ll make it easy for you. If you have ever started a statement to a pregnant woman, or a new mom with “wait until” and followed it with some assortment of negative verbiage or if you have ever felt compelled to give your unasked for advice, then maybe you should continue reading this.

When I announced to you that I was pregnant, you instantly asked me how I was feeling. Great… I thought, that’s so kind! Until I told you I feel the same, not sick at all, and you had to respond with “well, just wait until about week 13.”

The next 40 weeks it went like this “Wait until you get heartburn and can’t eat certain foods.” “Wait until the glucose test, it’s so nasty and going to make you sick.” “Wait until you get to the half way point, you won’t be able to exercise anymore.” “Wait until even your maternity clothes don’t fit.” “Wait until you can’t sleep.” “Wait until you the last few weeks you’ll be so swollen and you won’t barely be able to move.” “Wait until the baby kicks start to hurt, then they will annoy you.” “Wait until you’re in labor for 24 hours”

It’s frustrating how any positivity I had you’d have to shut it down with telling me that in some way it will get worse, or that I will be miserable eventually.

It’s frustrating that I spent my whole pregnancy having to justify feeling great, being positive, and enjoying the experience. That I always had to follow up my excitement with “yeah, but I know things won’t always be like this.”

But at the same time it’s funny, ya know? How none of that ever happened to me. How I never once had heartburn. How I never waddled. How I mowed the lawn the day before I gave birth, how I was in labor for less than a hour. How I didn’t experience any of the things you said I would. It’s almost like maybe your terrible experience isn’t how everyone experiences it. *gasp*

And now, as I write this my baby is asleep in his nursery down the hall. A baby that is pretty much the definition of an angel baby. A baby that sleeps like 17+ hours a day, and only cries when he has his diaper changed. And instead of enjoying the moment of having a good baby, I have to sit back and listen to you say “oh, well just wait until….”

I’m sick of you telling me “wait until” “just wait” or hinting to me in any ways that it’s going to get worse. I don’t care if you have more experience than me, or that you know the future or know exactly how my child will turn out. The fact of the matter is you don’t, you don’t know the future, you don’t know my child and you don’t know how my family is run, so suggesting that you do quite frankly is insulting.

And I don’t want you to think that I’m bragging. Because that’s not my intentions, I know that I am lucky and that others don’t always have such of a great pregnancy or transition into motherhood.

I just want to encourage you to think before you speak. Before the words leave your mouth are they uplifting and exciting or is there a possibility they may ruin someone’s positive experience?

And maybe you’re reading this and you too are fed up with other people sucking you dry of your joy. All I can tell you is that it doesn’t get any worse, if anything it keeps getting better 😉

Sincerely,

A new mom who just wants to enjoy the moment

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